Excerpt from Cancer Can’t Crush Us
Through the most trying days of my life I am just beginning to grasp the depths of God’s love. Just beginning to see, to feel, to touch the immense love he has for all of us. I have believed in God and Jesus since I was a young child, but not until recently when going through this storm have I fully understood what it means to have God as a friend, as an advocate, and as a source of strength.
There was a time when I turned to friends too much for strength. I would look to them to carry me through and offer me comfort that only God can give. I have since learned that God is the best source of strength and comfort. God is the source of my strength. Friends and family are a gift, they are the pillars that support me as I draw from my one and only true strength, God.
I have also come to understand and believe that if God allowed it, I can accept it. That simple phrase has given me such peace. There is nothing that happens to me that he doesn’t already know every detail of. He may not cause the pain and sickness, but he has allowed it. Now I can rest peacefully in that fact.
As I sit and ponder the events of my life, I can trace back all the ways that God has provided for me, provided for my every need. He may not have done it in the way or time that I desired, but he always provides. Every. Single. Time.
Today while walking into the medical office where Luke had his scan, I saw tiny black birds flying above me. Words I had memorized years ago came rushing into my mind, words from God, a direct line to my source of strength and reason for living.
Matthew 6:26-267 (NIV)
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.
Yes, my God provides for even the smallest creatures. He meets all of their needs. How much more will he provide for me? How much more does he care for my well-being? How much more does he want the best for Luke, my family and for all of us?
I am often told that I am so strong. I want you to know that it is not me who is strong. It is God. For when I am weak he is strong. In some ways these times have been a total gift from my Savior. He is close to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that in this time, in this season of stage four cancer I am more at peace than ever. I am closer to God than I ever knew was possible. I look back at the times that I was bitter and wish I hadn’t wasted so much time living in that ugly place.
I cannot change the past, but I can continue living in the present and pressing on. I press on, yet I am still as I wait on God for his answers and timing. I can’t change where I have been, but I hope to help you, precious reader, you who have taken this journey with me. I want you to know and feel a peace that cannot be described. I know that God doesn’t waste any pain, not a single tear or heartbreak. I pray that through my pain you will come to know Jesus on a deeper level. To know the Holy Spirit who goes with us everywhere and is our biggest advocate.
I pray that if you already know Jesus that you will press in. I pray that your faith will be increased, I pray that as you go through your own storms and trials of life you will look to him to be your source of strength. I pray that you will reach to him, reach for his hand to keep you from drowning. I pray that you are a light to all who see you. I pray they see that when you are weak he is strong.
Even more, I pray for you who do not yet know the peace and strength that comes from a relationship with Jesus. I pray that you will understand that he is not a God of rules and rituals. I pray that you will find him, that you will let him uphold you through your trials. He is relentlessly pursuing you. He loves you more than you could ever grasp or comprehend. He is calling you, can you feel it? If you are reading this right now I promise this is not a coincidence. He loves you and wants to be your source of strength. He doesn’t care where you have been or what you have done. His arms are open wide.
John 14:6 (NIV)
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
To have this friendship, this sense of peace and relationship with Jesus you must believe that he died for us, for you. We were separated from God, by our sin, but Jesus took our sins on himself to make a way for us to have a relationship with him and be restored to fellowship with God. He makes a way for us to go to heaven and to walk everyday with him while we are here on earth. I pray that you confess that Jesus is Lord, ask for forgiveness and ask him into your heart, to be the God of your life.
If you believe that and prayed a prayer asking for forgiveness and confessing your sins, you now have a relationship with Jesus. It isn’t some magical prayer you prayed and life won’t be perfect. You will still have hard days and nights when you cry yourself to sleep. What will be different is where you draw your strength from. You will draw from God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And that well will never run dry.
I want to thank each one of you for taking this journey with me. I do not know the rest of the story, but I do know that cancer can’t crush us. It is God’s strength that shields us from being crushed by the weight of sickness.